Boredom, Cuddle Deprivation, and Rabbits
by StandingOnTheRooftops
Summary: Humor. No sense made whatsoever! Duo gets bored- and hilarity ensues as he decides to play matchmaker 'tween his two friends! Pure funny and plotless enjoyment! Challenge from kidishcaresh. 1x2x5.  3x4 get together! Rated for language and subject matter.


Title: Boredom, Cuddle-deprivation, and Rabbits

Dedications: My Kidi-chan *cuddlepurr*

Summary: HUMOR! PWP! No sense made whatsoever!

The mission, should Rooftops choose to accept:

Challenger: Kidishcaresh

Pairing: 3x4, 1x2x5  
Setting: A safe-house literally in the middle of friggin nowhere.  
Conditions: Let's see a bored Duo who loves to remind everyone they're in  
bores ville miles from anything living aside from themselves. Trowa and Quatre  
dance around the subject of their loving the other. Hm...Duo mentions playing  
matchmaker. Heero does the setting up to get the two to realize their feelings  
for the other are returned. Wufei feels left out and demands his cuddles! LOLZ  
Yup Wu wants s'm loving and by Nataku he'll get his loving even if he has to  
shove 3 and 4 into a closet together.  
Props: an empty salsa bottle, lots and lots of closet space, a rabbit and a  
frilly pink dress. (that should give some fun ideas!)  
Want to see: Wufei pouting over not getting his cuddles, someone must say  
something involving cake aaaaand Quatre explaining the frilly pink dress to  
his visiting sister Iria when he answers the door in it. Oh and Heero cries  
over the rabbit. You decide why. LOL  
Genre: Fluff, humor

MISSION ACCEPTED

**Boredom, Cuddle-deprivation, and Rabbits**

"Sooooo..." Duo drawled. "How much longer are we going to be stuck here? I mean, geeze. It's the middle of freakin' nowhere."

"Duo?" Wufei asked, not bothering to look up from his book.

"Yeah, 'Fei-babe?"

"Shut up."

Duo let out a gusty sigh, kicking his feet in the air over the back of the couch, his head hanging somewhere in the vicinity of the floor.

"But... it's like 'bores-ville' around here," he argued. "I mean, you're reading. Heero's... well, Heero's being Heero," Duo pointed out, sending a glance to his and Wufei's shared lover, sitting on the back deck, clacking away at a silver laptop. "Quatre's so bored he's **cooking**," the braided man shuddered. "And Trowa... well, I'm not sure what Trowa's doing. I think he's staring at Quatre again."

This pulled a reaction from Wufei, who leaned far enough over in his chair to see through to the kitchen, where indeed, Trowa was sitting on a barstool just watching Quatre putter around. Really... it'd been four years since the war. Surely the two had caught a clue by now. Even he, Heero and Duo hadn't been that oblivious. Heero and Wufei had both shared a love, a need... some undeniable attraction to the wonderfully annoying Duo Maxwell and had long sense agreed- like the civilized adults they were- that they could share his affections.

Okay, Wufei rationalized, that was a lie. There was nothing civilized about the massive argument they'd had over it... or the subsequent frenzied sex-session on the bedroom floor. Wufei blushed at remembering that night, and pulled his thoughts quickly away. He was very annoyed right now, anyway.

With Trowa and Quatre in the house... Heero and Duo had wanted them to keep their relationship low key so as not to overly offend their friends... or rub it in their noses as Duo put it. Which left Wufei... surprisingly the 'cuddle bunny' of the trio... high and dry. And after the past few days... it was all adding up to a cuddle-deprived, grouchy dragon.

Duo had even caught him pouting last night. And had teased him about it mercilessly.

"Stay out of it," Wufei warned, going back to his book in hopes of taking his mind off his cuddle-deprivation.

"Huh," Duo snorted. "I'm going to annoy Heero," he stated, then tossed his feet up, performing some odd and very **flexible** roll of the couch, much like a backflip. On his feet once more, Duo headed for the backyard deck.

This last preventer's mission had required all of them... down to the part time Agent Quatre, and it had ended rather less than perfect and as planned... requiring the five to be forced into hiding for at least a week.

A week in the middle of nowhere, Duo though, deciding to try pouncing on his Japanese lover. Quiet as a mouse, he moved closer and closer behind the unsuspecting Heero. Three... two...

"Don't even think of it," Heero hissed, catching his lover's reflection in the screen of his computer. Duo sighed. "Ugh. But Hee-chan! I'm so bored. It's bores-ville around here! And I have nothing to do!"

"Sit down and be quiet," Heero suggested, eyes never leaving his computer.

Duo sighed again for the umpteenth time that day, and flopped down on the sun-warmed deck in front of Heero's feet, staring off into the dullness of nature. He hadn't even seen the first **bird** or **insect** since arriving here. Not even a single ant or mosquito. It truly was the middle of nowhere, he though. Pondering his bored-ness, he caught the movement of a small bush at the edge of the yard, then the soft pink of a twitching nose, a gray head and floppy ears popped through.

"Awww," Duo cooed. "Heero, look... it's a bunny!"

Heero's eyes flicked up to the rabbit.

"I wanna pet it," Duo decided, sneaking down off the deck silently.

"Duo... I wouldn't. They can and will fight you. It's a wild animal."

"But it's so cute," Duo whispered, then began to make his way around the yard in 'silent' mode. Heero sighed... and closed the laptop, placing it to the side.

it's nose as it felt something near... something dangerous.

Five...

Duo inched closer and closer to the unsuspecting rabbit.

Four...

The rabbit twitched it's nose as it felt something near... something dangerous.

Three...

A slow, careful hand snaked it's way out of the bush, reaching out to pet the soft, soft looking fur.

Two...

The rabbit startled as it felt the sudden change in it's environment. An unearthly scream came from the bunny as it turned... a hand closing in on it.

One...

Heero sighed... Duo screamed bloody murder, the rabbit screamed and fainted right away.

Heero walked towards Where Duo was scrambling back from the prone, fluffy form. Heero grabbed Duo's hand... Duo's bleeding hand... and looked it over. "Minimal damage," he decided. "We'll need to put some anti-septic on it, though. Hopefully it doesn't have rabies."

"Rabies?" Duo asked, eyes wide. Heero smirked, and looked at the fluffy bunny. "Hn. Lots of wild animals have it," he said casually.

"But I thought they'd all be snarling and foaming if they did..."

"Perhaps not," Heero replied. Duo's eyes looked panicked for a moment as he stared at the evil, evil rabbit as it stirred to wakefulness. Heero blinked, watching as the rabbit looked at them, let out a rude sounding squeak, and ran away. Heero chuckled.

"I think it said 'fuck you',"

"Har-har, very funny." Duo stuck his tongue out at Heero.

"I don't wanna see that unless it's an invitation," Heero reprimanded, still laughing because of that damn bunny.

It might have seemed like an odd thing... but the years had mellowed the 'perfect soldier' and brought out a softer side of him... a side with a very quirky sense of humor. Heero laughed so hard at the silly rabbit's antics and Duo's still slightly frightened look that he began to cry, tears falling down his cheeks.

Duo grunted something about 'psychopathic perfect soldiers', standing up, and Heero finally got enough hold of himself to help Duo back to the house. Wufei was standing by the deck's door.

"Rabbit," was all Heero said, with a little chuckle.

"Ah," Wufei nodded, figuring out what might have happened after seeing Duo's bleeding hand. "Let's get that cleaned up..."

#

Trowa idly spun an empty salsa bottle around and around. But his eyes weren't on the bottle... they were on the blond in front of him, tinkering around the kitchen.

"What are you making?" he ventured after a while.

"Cake," Quatre supplied. "At least... a **type** of cake," he corrected.

Trowa watched, amused, as Quatre took a rolling pin and attacked a towel full of shortbread tea cookies.

"Hm," Trowa hummed, eyes staying on the little blond. He'd been in love with the sweet Winner heir for years now... ever since the first war. Almost ever since that first night in the desert, when they played in harmony as the Maganac repaired their Gundams. But he knew Quatre didn't feel the same way. Couldn't feel the same way. Quatre was well-bred, and had such pride in himself. A pride, the blond told him, he hadn't gained until he'd met the Maganac Corp.

Trowa, on the other hand, didn't have such pride. Of course, he was **confident** in his abilities, but that was another thing entirely. Someone had once told him he was dead inside.. and he'd believed her.

Even as he squished and crumbled the cookies, Quatre kept watch over Trowa from the corner of his eye. Trowa was so... enigmatic and beautiful. Such a mystery, sitting there all calm and cool, spinning an empty salsa jar around and around and around on the counter. Quatre knew better than to speak what was in his heart. Trowa was so silent and distant. What would he want with a silly blond with more emotional baggage than any twenty-year-old had a right to have?

Trowa blinked his eyes away from the angel before him as Wufei and Heero escorted Duo into the kitchen.

The sight of blood almost had him out of his chair.

"What happened?"

"Duo decided to try to make friends with a wild rabbit," Heero snorted, opening a drawer to withdraw a first aid kit.

Trowa shook his head. "Wild rabbits are not the friendliest of creatures," he said.

"No shit, Sherlock," Duo snapped. "Ugh. Damn... I just hate being so bored!"

"Hold still," Wufei ordered, shoving Duo down to sit on a stool.

Duo grumbled unintelligibly as Wufei held his hand and Heero methodically cleaned the wound. Truthfully, he had been more shocked than hurt by the rabbit. But damn, the little things could tear you open!

As he waited for Wufei and Heero to get done molly-coddling him- though the two would vehemently deny doing so- he watched Quatre. Well, watched Quatre watching Trowa, who was watching Quatre... Ugh! Damn those two were clueless.

"Quatre... whatcha making?" Duo asked instead.

The blond blushed a bit. "I can't say," he replied sheepishly.

"Can't say? You mean you're just making something up?" Duo eyed the crushed cookies, the sugar, the pan.

"Oh, no. I'm following a recipe. It's just... I can't pronounce the name of it. It's a completely forgotten cake recipe from Holland or somewhere. My sister Kimmy told me how to make it. It's really good, easy, and cheap. I just can't pronounce the traditional name of it."

"Ah," Duo said, using his free hand to sneak a large piece of crushed cookie while Quatre had his back turned. Another moment and his hand was released, carefully wrapped in gauze, with a faint smell of iodine drifting from it.

"Thanks, love," Duo said, forgetting himself and leaning up to kiss Heero on the cheek. It was about that time he noticed both Quatre and Trowa look away. Duo pulled back quickly, remembering the self imposed 'no PDA' rule around Quatre and Trowa. Heero looked confused for a moment, and Wufei was pouting... no doubt still sulking about not getting any cuddles.

Duo grinned, and grabbed Heero's hand and Wufei's hand.

"Come on, guys... I wanna play chess!"

"But, Duo, you can't..."

Wufei snapped his mouth shut at the glare Duo gave him. Uh-oh... his lover was up to something, he realized. And a bored Duo making up plans was dangerous.

He should have turned and ran then...

But he didn't.

#

It wasn't hard, Duo realized, to talk his two lovers into anything. Especially not Wufei. Wufei had opposed the plan... until Duo mentioned that if Trowa and Quatre were together, then they didn't have to worry about offending them with PDAs. Wufei was all for getting his cuddles back. Waiting until night-time for his cuddles wasn't something he wanted to continue for much longer.

He worried- for half a second- about if Trowa and Quatre would get mad at them for this. Then he dismissed it. Duo'd had the idea, and then Heero had formulated the plan... it was infallible.

Those two would never know what hit them.

"Quatre! Is that cake in the oven yet?" Duo called, skidding into the kitchen, where... predictably... Trowa was still observing Quatre and both of them totally oblivious to the other watching.

"It doesn't need cooked," Quatre said, sliding a pan into the refrigerator. "No-Bake Cake! Easy as pie."

Trowa chuckled at the pun. He swiped a finger through a bit of spilled sugar on the counter, licking the sweetness from his finger.

Quatre shook his head, while inside he drooled. "How I ever got stuck with four friends with sugar-addictions I'll never know," he sighed, tidying up his mess.

"ANYWAYS," Duo interrupted. "Quatre, I need to borrow you from Bendy Boy for a while."

Quatre didn't catch Trowa's slight blush.

"No worries, you'll get him back! Later!"

Duo grabbed Quatre and pulled him from the room, upstairs.

"Duo? What in heaven's name has gotten into you? I thought you were going to go play chess or something?"

"Boring," Duo said. "I decided it'd be much for fun to make you and Bendy Boy go at it like, ahem, rabbits!"

"DUO!" Quatre hissed, blushing bright red. "But... that's..."

"Now, Quatre," Duo admonished. "That shade of red will never work with the outfit we have!"

"What?"

Admittedly, it wasn't the brightest response, but Quatre was completely confused. The braided whirlwind dragged him into a room.

"Duo," Quatre pleaded.

"Sorry, Q-bean," Duo apologized. "It has to be done. Besides... Wu-bear wants his cuddles!"

Aqua eyes blinked in confusion. And then he saw it...

Heero and Wufei waiting, something held between them. It was pink... and sparkly... and **frilly**.

"N..!" Quatre started to yell, but Duo smacked a hand across his mouth.

"Nu-uh. No screaming. At least not until it's **Trowa** who's making you scream," Duo amended. Quatre blushed.

"Stop with the teasing," Wufei ordered. "And keep hold of his hands. I don't need him hitting me," he added, methodically undressing Quatre.

The poor blond's eyes widened, his struggling increasing.

"Heero?" Duo asked with a sigh.

"Of course," came the reply... and Quatre was out like a light with one small nerve pinch.

"Let's finish this quickly before Trowa gets too antsy!"

And with that... they set to work.

#

"Quatre?" Trowa called, walking down the hall. Where could his blond have gone? **His** blond, he thought. Over the years, he'd come to think in such possessive terms. **His** Quatre.

Trowa turned into Quatre's room, expecting to find the petite former pilot- and to his surprise... he did.

Quatre was sprawled across his bed, seemingly asleep. And dressed... in a frilly **pink** little dress. Trowa blinked. The thing was sheer, leaving very little to the imagination, with flounces and lace along the bottom edge and little beaded sparkles along the neckline.

"What the..." Trowa whispered. It was highly... dishonorable... as Wufei would undoubtedly call it... but Trowa could not help but fell a little turned on. Well... okay... a lot turned on.

"Quatre?" Trowa asked. Slowly, ever so slowly, beautiful aqua eyes blinked open.

"Tr'wa?" The blond muttered, lifting a hand to rub sleepily at his eyes. "Trowa? I had the weirdest dream that Duo..." The blond blinked, noticing Trowa's unwavering stare, then looked down at himself. Trowa took a half step into the room as Quatre flushed bright red.

"DUO! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Quatre screamed, scrambling up off the bed.

Out of the door there was manical laughter, and Duo and Wufei popped into the room. Duo was laughing his head off, and Wufei has a very determined look on his face. "DUO!" Quatre screamed, standing off the bed and lunging for the braided boy. Duo laughed and danced out of the way, tripping Quatre into the walk-in closet just behind him.

"Quatre!" Trowa called in worry, diving forward, only to have Wufei push him headlong into the closet behind Quatre. There was a slam, and the closet door closed, so that the two boys were cast in almost total darkness. Trowa and Quatre muttered. It was a rather large closet, but there was still only so much room to move in. They both tried to get up, but Trowa caught his arm on a clothing rack. He tried to flail about to gain his balance, knocking into Quatre, only to end up sprawled across the floor, a mass of scantily clad blond astride his lap. Gravity forced them together, hip to groin.

With Quatre's rather... **nonexistant** clothing, and his rather prominent reaction to it... not much was left up to the imagination on either part. Trowa could feel every bit of Quatre... and he knew Quatre could feel every bit of him. Especially a very **hard** bit.

Oh, God, he thought, closing his eyes. This was it. He was dead.

For a few moments, there was nothing but Quatre breathing in the semi-darkness. Trowa opened his eyes, a little worried, only to find darkly shaded aqua eyes staring at him.

"Trowa?" Quatre asked, not daring to move- as if they even had much choice. Clothes above them, floor beneath them. Door and walls on all four sides... no. Not much choice.

"Um... yes?" Trowa answered meekly.

"Is that... um, I mean... is that what I **think** it is?"

Mortified, Trowa nodded.

Aqua eyes widened in surprise.

"So... does that mean... um... Trowa? Do you like me? I mean... like me like... um, y'know... like that?"

Growing even more humiliated, Trowa closed his eyes, then nodded once more.

He did not expect what happened next, though.

Suddenly, lithe, pale arms were wrapped around him, slender fingers in his hair... and a warm, sweet mouth on his. He was too surprised to do anything but submit, to let Quatre kiss him...

Wait... Quatre? Kissing him?

Trowa's eyes blinked open as Quatre pulled back.

"Me too," the blond minx grinned, and went back to kissing Trowa senseless.

Well, Trowa conceded... if that was the case...

And he began to kiss back.

#

Quatre groaned as he rolled over. Wouldn't Duo or someone get that damn doorbell?

Apparently not. Quatre rolled out of bed leaving his new lover- he squeeled at the thought of being able to call Trowa that- laying face down and snoring.

He walked downstairs through the suspiciously quiet and empty house, and opened the door.

"Quatre! Baby Brother!" Iria squealed... then fell silent. "Um... Quatre? WHY ARE YOU WEARING A PINK NIGHTGOWN!"

Quatre blinked, then looked down at the sheer, sparkly and frilly **thing** he wore.

He had no idea. But he knew who probably would.

"DUO!"

Quatre jerked awake from the nightmare, Duo's name dying on his tongue.

Trowa was leaning over him, caught between frowning and smirking.

"Should I be worried that you wake up calling someone else's name?"

Ugh. Quatre groaned and fell back down on the bed. "I don't know if I should kill him or thank him. I still want to know WHY THE HELL I was wearing a pink dress!"

Trowa shrugged, and only had one comment.

"I like the pink dress."

#

Downstairs, on the couch, Wufei was blissfully happy. He had an armful of Duo, hugging him tightly and not letting go. Heero was asleep, laying down with his head in Wufei's lap.

Yes... Wufei was happy.

He'd finally gotten his cuddles back.

~*Owari*~


End file.
